Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to another installment of a ThespianHunter top 10. Today's top 10 was inspired by a video I watched recently by Space Hamster (shameless plug go check him out brah) where he explained his favourite swords in video gaming. When I went to add my personal favourite swords of video gaming it hit me... I don't actually use many swords in video games and when I think about killing people in video games, sometimes using a sword is just too... boring.
So I've created a list of my favourite weapons from video games, some cause of their killing power, some for being cool, some for being funny and some for a mix of all three. Just remember they are my PERSONAL LIST. Don't like it, then leave a comment of what YOU'RE favourite weapons are... So, let's go.
Number 10.
Mass Effect 2 - The Arc Projector
Sometimes it's the fancy weapon that can win you the fight! The Arc Projector as testament to that statment. Only accessible via free DLC, this weapon can turn hard runs into ... not so hard runs. It fires a beam of electricity that bounces of multiple different targets. But this isn't why the gun is amazing. The gun can also completely overcharge enemy shields and/or barriers, but this isn't why this gun is amazing ether. I can make robots and other synthetic enemies, EXPLODE. Nothing like watching a glorious explosion caused by overloading enemy robots. It's also the most efficient weapon for power vs ammo out of all of the Mass Effect games. Oh yeah, did I mention this gun auto-aims for targets? So not only is it an awesome weapon to use, it's also a very easy weapon to use. It's also impossible to hurt allies with it as well (no matter what difficulty) unlike other heavy weapons that do just as much damage. Though I'm pretty sure Legion "gulps" every time you point it at him.
Number 9.
Multiple Games - Death Via The "B Button"
Every game, since Pac man invented fire, has had that button which sets into motion the sync kill, The Xbox 360 is very guilty of this and more often and not these kills are sent over to the B button. Wonder why your Xbox controller always has a dodgy B button after a few years? It's cause your squeezing it into oblivion when you chop a guy into lot's of tiny pieces and scream over the head set like a little 6 year old as you're doing it! Normally this pure lazy control design would annoy me, but it's all made forgiveable by the kills being so god dam satisfying. That and I love screaming like a 6 year old at my TC screen.
Number 8
Black and White - Rocks
There comes a time in one's life where he think's to himself "I wonder what happens if I drop his rock the size of a house on top of that tiny man's head" Black and White allows you to actually scientifically test and verify this via crushing a man with a stone. You can even throw him into a rock that's in mid air, you can even have a giant ape test it for you. The rock is also a good way of working off any stress you're having with your current settlement. Don't like it? Then drop rocks on it and kill everyone.
The simple rock has even more functions as a deadly weapon. You can drop one in the middle of a village, slowly the villagers will gather around at it, stair at it, and realise that you (the God) had placed it there! Then like a shoddy impersonation of Jesus the villagers will start worshipping it, dancing around it and create stories about the rock. After a few weeks of this your little Rock will become an artefact that which generates Godly power which you can spend on miracles like food, wood, fire balls and lightning bolts. Meaning even just putting a rock down in the middle of a village will one day become a weapon. Never underestimate the power of a rock!
Number 7.
Halo 3 - The Grav Hammer
Sometimes you just wan't to smash someone's brain in with a giant hammer and watch as the lifeless corpse flies across the room and smashes against a wall. That is what the Grav Hammer is for. Entire custom matches have been centred around the idea of smashing giant Grav Hammers into the ground and (hopefully) killing people, or at the very least making people fly away in glorious fashion.
The beautiful thing about the Grav Hammer is that it's not just for smashing people's heads in. It's also very efficient at destroying cars, tanks, aircraft and even pieces of terrain. However without a doubt the best reason to use a Grav Hammer is as an anti-grenade weapon. Literally bounce back sticky grenades onto the original thrower and watch as he leaves the match in anger!
Number 6. Supreme Commander - The Suicidal CZAR death squad omega!
There is something about watching a giant UFO fire a giant laser beam into an enemy base and only seeing a giant white cloud of awesome. The CZAR does exactly that. This UFO the size of 3 shopping centres joined together flies over the battle field to exact harsh vengeance. It can also double up as a aircraft carrier in the skies and makes surprise bombing runs effectively easy! Though that's not all this UFO can do... When it dies it drops from the sky, slowly, but heavily to the ground. When this mother trucker hits the ground, almost anything underneath it will be crushed. You bring 4 of these bad boys to a party, and you can wipe out an enter base, just by their destruction. You don't even have to win, to win! There is no way to prevent this, only to kill it before it reaches its destination and spread out your base as much as possible, which can easily bite you in the ass! Oh yeah, did I mention that in Sup-Com 2 I actually has 3 other guns that rain down plasma death as well? And it can fire anti-aircraft missiles?!
Number 5.
Grand Theft Auto 3 - The Lolzy
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Never before has one bullet been so powerful. A small little bullet from this hose of bullets can kill. An entire clip can take down a car, the maximum ammo capacity can take down a tank. And there's no re-coil and the reload speed in half a second. Did I mention the rate of fire is so fast that if you fired one bullet straight forward from the London Eye, by the time you make it to Big Ben it's made it's way around the earth THREE TIMES! The must have weapon for anyone doing weapons cheats! Turn on the gore cheat for even more chaos. Just be sure not to shoot it when you don't want the police on your... It can be kinda loud!!
Number 4. Any Game - The scythe
Why have a sword when you can have a Scythe. Why? Scythes have longer reach, they're ... cooler looking... and they make you look like the Grim Reaper! What can be better than that? There are some advantages of using a scythe rather than a sword. What you can do, is when the guy goes to block, just pull the sword out of their hand and laugh at them as you stab them in the shoulder, drag them towards you and knee them in the face!
When I kill someone, I do it in style! Spinning it around like a gymnast!
Let me give some examples of bad asses who use scythes!
Firstly, Death. Secondly, War. Thirdly, Dante. Fourthly, Zasalamel and with a name like that, you know a scythe is awesome!
Number 3
Fable - The Bow of Skorm/ Sword of Aeons
Firstly the Bow of Skorm. Deep in a scary forest, down a twisted path is a temple. A dark Temple with freaky music to match. There will be two little cultists standing there, worshipping their dark god Skorm. There they'll ask for some sacrifices, in order to receive tribute from their god... There begins the Lols. You must convince at minimum (cause the number sometimes fluctuates) anywhere between 10 and 70 villagers to follow you to the temple. That's right.. You go up to someone, say "Follow" and then lead them all the way to a forest in the middle of nowhere and sacrifice them. This will then grant you the Bow of Skorm, the most powerful ranged weapon in all the Fable Games! As a hidden perk, this weapon does more damage the more evil you are. Oh the strength OH MY WORD the strength. However it is famous for making hens meat of the "Final Boss" before heading into the lost Chapters.
Secondly is the Sword of Aeons. The most powerful sword in all the Fable Games. It is so powerful, that it kills enemies before you reach them. However, this weapon comes at a cost... You have to kill your own sister. This sword had actually been in your family for generations and to unlock its power it requires your families blood. And so Jack systematically sets out to slay every single member of your family in order to access it. Now, what would you think this weapon could do in Jacks hands? Imagine the earth cracking open and exploding into hundreds of pieces ... Kinda like that really! |Now that's a weapon!
Number 2. Street Fighter 2 - E Honda's 500 Palm Exploding Heart Technique
Sometimes to win a fight you need speed, sometimes you need power to win a fight. And sometimes you need to slap a guy so hard and fast that the entire screen blurs and all you see is a thousand hands slapping your enemy at blinding speeds! Did I mention speed? Once you find this magical combo it will be as if you were on speed! Lot's of it!
The reason why this weapon feature is stated to belong to Street Fighter 2 rather than other Street Fighter games is due to the move on this game being INFINITE! You can spam this move constantly as long as you keep hitting the buttons. Earning this weapon the name "the 500 palm" exploding heart technique rather than the "5" cause only 5 is lame!
And where we are. We have reached the Number 1 spot. Or should I say, the 2 number 1's. See the thing is, there are two weapons which are so ridiculously powerful and devastating powerful that they both deserve the Number 1 spot. Never do other weapons invoke as many Lolz as these do. So without further ado let's get to the first Number 1...
Number 1.1
Medieval Total War 2 - The Elephant Tank
Just take a moment to look at that Elephant. Yes... It's covered in armour, Yes it has a cannon on its back! That's right Ladies and Gents Your own Elephant Blitzkrieg is only a click away. The pure hilarity of an elephant tank is more than enough to earn this the number 1 spot. Just think about it, How does the Elephant stay on its feet? How does it not be petrified of the sound of the cannon? How do you balance a tank on an elephants back?! Why have it on the back of an Elephant?! Wouldn't a wooden tank work? The answers to all of these questions? Cause the Elephant Panza division says its so!
And Number 1.2...
Age of Empires/ Age of Empires the Age of Kings - Priest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tBqdKGiqnI
If you can't beat them, turn them to your side! Via annoying chanting and the waving of a stick. It must have been that the makers of Age of Empires asked themselves a question; How to incorporate religion into our game. Then they must have thought "let's have an old man run up to the enemy, chant, and have them "CONVERTED" to the players team to do their bidding". Genius and it is en-half funny to watch a bunch of old man create an army out of the enemies own solderers. Plus, the chanting, OH THE CHANTING! I could listen to it for days!
Not only this, but being able to pull off a "victory via WOLOLOL" is the a true example of skill. It's difficult having to micromanage twenty priests and clicking their abilities individually on individual targets. It's something beautiful to watch.
Only in a strategy game would an Elephant Tank and a Priest be weapons of mass destruction.
Well there you have it, my top 10 weapons in video games. If you have your own top 10 list, let me know in the comments! And be sure not to let any priests dressed in White and blue through your door any time soon!
My name's been ThespianHunter, ELEPHANT WOLOLOL, and I'll catch you next time
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